Monday, March 19, 2012

Ticket to Happiness

I just got back from first walk in five months.  Once upon a time, about seven years ago, that never would've happened.  I would've been walking all winter long.  Once upon a time I used to walk up to 2 hours a day.  My co-blogger (innerww) and I were pretty dedicated to this.  But as you can see she has continued our routine where I have, well...not.

I could say that I don't have time.  I could say that I'm never home.  I could say a lot of things, but they'd all be excuses.  Let's face it, I still get up early.  Now I just walk my butt to the couch and watch TV, tweet, blog, and pin.  Although I am pretty busy, I am actually home quite a bit.  I'm not jet-setting around the world.  Or taking off for the weekend at a drop of a hat.  So those excuses just won't do.

The truth?  This is pretty hard to say, and I think I've hinted at it in different posts, but I'm just going to come right out and say it.  I am miserable, and my misery has spiraled me into this quasi depression where I have no drive to follow through on taking care of myself.  I work out in spurts.  I eat well in spurts.  I even sporadically clean my house.  Not exactly the signs of a happy go lucky person.

Where the hell has the perky girl gone, and can she please return?  A question I have been asking myself for quite some time now and one I am determined to rectify.  Now some may say that exercising and eating well will help you regain your happy self.  Sure, they can help.  But not if you're ignoring the root of your unhappiness.  And that's why I have decided to take a huge risk and eliminate my problem: my job.

Am I nervous about it?  Sure.  Am I worried with the current economy?  Sure.  Do I know what I will do when I grow up?  Not quite.  But let me share a secret with you.  The times in my life I've been the most fit and healthy are when I have been happy in my job.  It may sound silly, but for me it's necessary.  And let me tell you; since I have made the decision to quite possibly end my career, I have been ... happy.  I'm happy to know that there's possibly something else out there for me.  I'm happy to have decided that I'm worth more than what I've grown accustomed to these last seven years.  And for me there's no better feeling than happiness.  I'll board that train!